H.E.A.R.T.S. is an effort aimed at HELPING EVERY ADULT REVEAL THE TRUTH OF SEXUALITY. What we find out when we begin to try to talk to our children is that we often feel helpless or ill-prepared to really communicate. For those who are open to it, this leads to a search for deeper understanding. We find ourselves searching to know more, to find the right answers, so that we can guide our children well. And then we face the task of communicating with them in developmentally appropriate ways.

If we are to have a real impact we must aim to reach all parents—even all adults, since every adult has potential to impact a child--some directly as teachers, relatives, coaches, religious leaders, etc and some indirectly through decisions made about the content of what children see, hear, and experience that impacts their growth and development sexually.

Our children need good role models as well as the active presence of people who are willing to talk openly with them about sexuality in very positive ways. This means that we are not passive. We understand that we must talk to our children. We cannot assume they will “get” our values by some kind of osmosis. They won’t. The kinds and quantity of dangerous messages about sexuality abound. If we are to influence what our children value, we must be very “active.”

But how many of us grew up being taught by our parents that sexuality was a gift of God to be celebrated? We might have been taught something about God in relationship to sex, but often the message we were left with certainly bore little resemblance to “celebration.” How can we come to recognize and truly understand the implications of knowing that sexuality is God’s idea? God created our bodies and looked at what He had created and found it very good. In Gen 1, God’s first command to the new human beings was to be fruitful and multiply. Our need for relationship and human touch are built into us by our Creator.

And we must learn that we communicate about sexuality in many ways:

 

• By what we model in our own relationships. Children learn a lot from the folks they admire. What are we teaching?
• By what we say and how we say it. Our tone of voice and attention are as important as our words. How we receive a question or comment from a child matters.
• By what we fail to say. What do we fail to communicate because of our own discomfort? Do our children sense that our silence means discomfort, awkwardness, etc? Do we send subtle, perhaps unintentional messages that certain subjects are “off-limits”? Do our children hesitate to talk about some topics with us for fear that we will disapprove of them if we find out they are thinking about such things?
• By how we touch our children’s bodies. How we bathe them, how we comb their hair, how we tenderly tuck them into bed at night, how we gently console them when they are hurt—all teach our children about the dignity of their bodies from the moment we hold them for the first time. They learn of their value primarily from us. If they feel they are valued, they will learn to respect themselves. Their choices, as they grow into adolescence, will be greatly influenced by how they feel about themselves. If we have helped them to set boundaries about how, when, and by whom they are touched, they will require others to observe those boundaries.

We hope to teach them that, in a holistic sense, human sexuality is a multi-dimensional mystery that encompasses all that it means to be embodied and living in relationship with others. It is about far more than just what we do with certain body parts. Our capacity for love is bound up in our sexuality. Every expression of love, whether it is hugging our child, a mother nursing an infant, Mother Teresa caring for a leper in Calcutta, or a man and woman making love, all are bodily expressions of care that manifest a healthy sexuality. Sexuality is the energy of relationships that is both a gift of God and a responsibility.

In the broadest sense, our fundamental calling is to be loving persons able to reach out to one another in supportive, life-giving relationships that honor the intrinsic dignity and value of others and ourselves. Sexuality, in the full sense of the word, is the energy and capacity for this human loving.